And it was a good feeling, but if I’m honest, not one I’m used to. I mean I’ve often felt positive, like say, when the sun’s shining, or when I’m enjoying good food or from getting a kick out of some genius magic I’ve worked with data and stats at work.
But this morning was different, a feeling of absolute happiness, smiling but from the inside. Maybe you could even call it euphoria.
Of course I was running. It started just after half way through a 10 mile run this morning. I dragged my sorry butt out of bed with, let’s say, maybe 5 out of 10 enthusiasm. Not sure you can ask much more of me at 6am on a Sunday morning! I always take a while to warm up, but at about 6 miles I felt the natural happy drugs kick in. By 9 miles, back on the prom, I looked out to sea and felt a million dollars. In fact I spread my arms out wide (think Titanic, ‘King of the world’) and sang ‘Wide wide as the ocean’ like a loon (it’s an old Sunday school song). Yes, there were other people on the prom by then J. But I felt so good!
How did I get from the darkness a couple of months ago to here? What was the journey from A to B? If I could bottle it for people who feel sadness and wish they weren’t here, I seriously would. I know very well what that feels like.
A few weeks ago, someone fired an arrow and it hit me in the very most sensitive place in my life. It was a good thing, I don’t know how it happened really, but it hit me in the depths of my soul and undid me, unraveled me.
So then I didn’t know what do with that. I’d given up alcohol, but then there was nothing else to deal with the pain I’d been covering up. Seriously what do you do with emotions????? Mine seem strong. Frustration, anger, joy, enthusiasm, hurts, hatred (the one I most fear) and love. I don’t know, all sorts. What do you DO with all that????
I’ll tell you what you do.
- You pray – because God’s love is wide enough and deep enough
- YOU RUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!! - because serotonin works.
I have so much more that I’d like to write, this is so brief and inadequate.
Mostly, if you’re at A, let me tell you that you can get to B, you can get out of the mud, you can shake off the dirt, and you can run into a life in all its fullness.
Please, let me take you for a run!