Tuesday, 19 January 2016

115 Days of Change

It was a beautiful day today, and playing with Anna on the beach in the sunshine, I couldn’t help but thank God for the changes that have happened since the summer of 2015.

If you’re flying or falling through Dry January and thinking what to do when February hits, maybe these thoughts will help you decide. J
In no particular order…..

  1. Quitting alcohol dependence after 30 years, not using alcohol as a hiding place or an anaesthetic. How? Someone suggested I stop, and in the hours surrounding that conversation I sensed that God was declaring something open that had previously been shut.
  2. Life in High Definition. I’m not gonna lie, I never stopped to realise that when you stop using an anaesthetic, you start to feel the pain.  There have been more than a few tears and screams, but music, running, praying and excellent friends have carried me through. The upside? Life in high definition, a tsunami of emotions and feelings undone, some nice, some not so comfortable, but all wonderful. A light switched on. Life in high definition.
  3. The nightmares have stopped. Again, after 30 years, no more terrifying nightmares. Not one.
  4. A purposeful life. I’m a dreamer, but I had stopped dreaming. I started to remember my dreams again, and at the same time a friend wrote ‘every person you run with has treasure and riches buried deep within them, buried under hurt and pain of abuse, abandonment and rejection. Your purpose is to run, and in running to help shake the dirt off their lives and pull out the treasure’.
  5. The will to live. Every hint of depression and suicidal thoughts has gone, I’ve been off medication for 4 months now. Depression for me was simply losing any will to live. Now? Now life is bubbling up in all kinds of ways.
  6. Skinny ribs. I’ve lost over 7kg. (don’t panic, this is it now!)
  7. Running. My journey started on my own, running 70 miles in a week. That week changed my life. Recently I put in the best race performance to date, finishing in the top 2% rather than the usual top 4% in the field. It felt electric.
  8. Energy and Sleep. I get up an hour earlier and go to bed an hour later than before, and I still have plenty of energy without the need to sleep during the day. I have a normal pattern of energy in the morning and ready for sleep by bedtime.
  9. Confidence. Back in August I believed I was nothing and good for nothing. I’m still testing out the theory, but it looks like this might not be true.

    So when I’m asked if I want a drink, when I’m asked if I’ll ever go back, when people suggest it might be ok to just have the odd glass of wine on special occasions, I can look at this list and thank God that I made it out the other side. No, I won’t go back.

Oh a thousand years, a thousand tongues, are not enough to sing His praise.


  1. Much love to you Jackie Xxx You are so not nothing! You are wonderful and very much loved. Lexie XXX

    1. Cheers Lexie, told you it was a personal one!

  2. I'm so glad I hopped over here from FB to read, massive well done on your journey, you really sound as if you've allowed God to take control and you've given up the props. I've been popping from post to post and reading loads and now what I need to do is see if I can get to one of your running groups. Not that I want to run, it hurts me but I sure need to dump the food and do something. Thank you, mich X

    1. Hi. Thank you for taking the time to read. I'd love to see you at one of our groups, we'll do you good, I promise!, I'll fb you x